I was going through my stuff tonight, and found some paper in may bags with this written:

I think I've found the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. No, I actually don’t think… I feel it.

Maybe this is how it really feels when you’ve found the person God has planned for you.

You meet in unexpected places, get to know each other in unexpected ways, fall in love during the wrong time.

You love unconditionally – without reasons, without a doubt.

You just LOVE. Period.

You ask God, “Is this really it? Is he the one?”

And you can't wait for forever to start.

But then again, whatever feelings you have, whatever is the amount of love you feel, you start to think “What if I’m the only me who feels this way? What if he doesn’t really fee the way I do?”

I think I wrote this almost 2 years back. Sometimes I am amazed when I read my own freehand writing.

Currently feeling: happy

Is there such things as Terms and Conditions of Husbands and Wives? Something like a written agreement between couples before diving into marriage? A handbook of what should be and what should not be? Or standards that husbands and wives should follow? 

You might wonder why I am looking for such thing.

I just had a conversation with my other half, sort-of-fiancé, about money matters between couples; husband and wife in this case. It all started when he noticed why I seem to be quiet and down. (By the way, just for your info, we are conversing via chat and viewing each other through the webcam as we are currently separated by distance; he is in Asia and I am in the Middle East.) So I told him that I am upset because of what my mother (here we go again about my über-bipolar mom) said after having dinner. 

I had just finished eating my meal. I was standing (resting) while watching TV and my mom was still sitting by the table, as she had just finished eating. When I went over to the table to drink water, she suddenly asked me question. What I heard or understood, was that she was asking me what my boyfriend-slash-sort-of-fiancé gave me for Christmas. (Again, just for you info, we went home for Christmas; my family and I, and also my bf) So I answered: a T-shirt. Then, again she asked what he gave me for Christmas, which seemed like a repetition of question. So I figured, the first question probably was what I gave him for Christmas. (I figured, I must've heard wrong when she first asked because she buckled when she spoke) So anyways, I answered her 2nd question: a T-shirt. Yes, I gave him a T-shirt and he gave a T-shirt as well. I actually gave him a watch as a birthday and Christmas gift, but I know my mom would go nuts if she knew that I bought something like that. Then she said that my boyfriend is cheap, and she said this like she was affirming it with me. I didn't answer. So she went on saying that I chose the wrong guy, blahblah, that he will become like my dad, blahblah, that he's not good for me, blahblah, that I will suffer, blahblah, that he will be like my dad. What the fuck!?! What was the issue all about?! That pissed me off so I answered back. My initial reaction was like "Huh? Like dad, what? Why like dad?". And she insisted that he will be like my dad. I was like, yeah right, whatever, and then I asked: "Why?Do I have to be materialistic?"

Then she said, "Why? Am I materialistic with your Dad? I am not."

So I said, "Yes you are." And I continued.. I told her that if she has an issue or a problem with my father, I don't have anything to do with that and neither does my boyfriend. I told her that she should not compare other people with my dad because not all men are the same. She was even insisting that I will be the one providing for our future family blahblah. I was like, whatever, and took the dishes to the kitchen. 

I know, it may seem to be a simple nonsense conversation, but it really really pissed me off. Specially when she bad mouths my boyfriend. I just chose not to answer back or say anything more to avoid any further argument. 

So after telling this story to my boyfriend, he thought that our family is weird. Weird specially when it comes to money matters. Then he wondered why he was compared to my dad, which I, too, really have no idea why. Then he went on to say that for him, when we become husband and wife, we don't need to know how much money we have. Just as long as we are not buried in debt, it's okay. And if there is anything that we need, we will share the expenses, whatsoever. Then I asked him if that means we don't need to know what we are using the money for. He then said, he feels that my question contains a threat that if he answers incorrectly, I will keep it in the record that he said that so no blaming. And then he got annoyed why we are talking about money and said that he doesn't like the topic. He was so annoyed that while typing, his face is all wrinkled, his eyebrows colliding with each other. He asked if money is really an issue between husbands and wives blahblah, and I told him that I was just trying to clear things with him and with his previous statement that we don't need to know how much money each other has. Then he said, when we get married, he'll just give me his salary and I could just give him enough pocket money. I was so offended and hurt. Yes, I admit I wanted that but it seems like he would be doing it against his will, like I'm taking his freedom away from him or something. I told him, what did I say wrong? I never demanded anything from him, I was just trying to clear his statement. We ended the topic with no resolution or whatsoever with our issue: money. 

So this made me think of these questions.. Does getting into married-life this complicated? What should be the setup? Is there a standard that should be followed? What's the proper agreement? Is there a guide or something? 

There should be a book about the do's and don't's for a newly-married couple. There should be something like "married-life for dummies". I hope they discuss this in couple seminars, or something. There should be a law saying something like "Husbands must, in all cases, submit to their wife their monthly income and at all times inform their lawful spouse any purchases higher than $200.." etc. Something, just something, that would make it easier for any couple to handle such issues. 

Or maybe, someone of experience and still in a married status.. could guide newly-married couples and soon-to-be married couples, in the new journey they are about to take. 

Currently feeling: contemplative

So here's the thing. We were chatting and he mentioned our bet regarding my target weight that I'm supposed to achieve by December 21st. Let me give you a background of the story.. 

So I wanted a very big bar of Hershey's chocolate. And since I've been wanting and doing my very best to control my weight and shed off some pounds, he thought of a way to motivate me more. He proposed that if I reach my target weight by 21st of December this year, he would reward me with the chocolate. So okay, I was game. Then tonight while talking about it, he said that if I lose our bet, I should have something to put on the table and it should be a major payback of some sort. So I told him to go ahead and think of what he would like to get from me just as I asked him for the chocolate that I wanted. Then he laughed and said he thought of something that would really be hard for me to grant or give him. I guess it was also a way to motivate mo NOT to lose the bet. Then I asked what it was and he said that if I lose the bet, we would do his fantasy. DO HIS FANTASY. I was shocked out of my mind. Of course I am not saying that it is impossible for me to lose, so I was also hoping that whatever it was that he wanted me to give him was something that was possible to happen or something that I would be capable of giving him! But his fantasy?! Are you kidding me?? 

So I sort of mocked his suggestion.. DO YOUR FANTASY?! 

DO YOUR FANTASY?!! 

And I asked, does that mean he has an idea how we can execute his fantasy?!??

Now, if you're wondering why I am reacting this way.. It's because his fantasy is sort of a THREESOME. 

He was actually fantasizing that there are two of me.. Which is impossible.. Which suggest the idea that there would be a substitute to my missing and non-existing twin.. Which results to a threesome. 

Two of me... And him.. Threesome. 

Anyways, I kept on asking if it meant that he has an idea already of how his fantasy would happen in real life, but he said no, he was just thinking of something that would really REALLY be hard for me to grant so that I would be more determined to win the bet. Sort of motivate me some more. Okay I get his point.. But still.. I mean, what if I lose? What if I wasn't able to reach my goal weight? Does it mean that we have to execute his fantasy? So he said that yeah he thinks that it is not feasible and that there is no sense in placing it as a bet if it is not feasible and he doesn't want to think about his bet too much because it's starting to feel korni. I guess he sensed that there is no way I am agreeing on that bet. So we ended up with no consequence for me yet. And I also lost the enthusiasm to talk about it and to talk to him. Maybe it will come up again tomorrow.. Or whenever.. Or whatever. 

His fantasy makes me lose my appetite..

Emotionally..

Sexually..

Literally..

It's making me think twice..

And it's making me doubt him..

F*** THAT FANTASY. 

I wish I have that thing in Men In Black movie which they use to erase memory..

Or I had the power of that guy in Heroes that erases a specific memory in a person's mind..

Just so I can make him forget that he ever thought of that idea.. 

This is making me sad.. It's hurting me.. I hate it. 

Currently feeling: disappointed

I don't understand how a person in a serious relationship could ever think or be able to have sex with another person besides his/her partner. So I don't understand how anyone in a serious relationship can ever think of fantasizing about having threesome with his/her serious partner and a 3rd person. 

Any thoughts on this?

Currently feeling: contemplative

I am currently watching House season 6 episode 14. In this episode, the patient (Laura Prepon) is an active blogger. It reminded me of my blog; the blog I started in 2009, just to have an outlet of whatever I am feeling which I am not comfortable of expressing to my friends. The idea of having a blog was brought up by one of my closest friends during the time I was confused with what I was feeling regarding about the situation of my Long Distance Relationship (LDR). It has been almost 1 year since I last checked my blog. And I'm back to tell a few of my stories for the past couple of months.

Currently watching: House (Season 6 Episode 14 - Private Lives)